I'm a loser who's not been observing his diet (or his duty to blog).

Weight: 208
Body Fat: 26%

Two weeks ago I moved. Since then I've neglected the blog and the diet. I'm not surrendering. But, I have realized that we (I) can't be slaves to food and exercise. Nonetheless, I do intend to observe some basic food sense for the most part. I'm unwilling to forego dinner with friends or nights out for the sake of a diet, or a blog, or even to beat that oh so smug Russian pig dog, Ivan Drago.

With this policy in mind, I thought my readers would be happy to know that I have a weekend of sports planned. I'm participating in a slo pitch tournament this weekend. Granted, baseball isn't much of a sport, and slo pitch even less so, but its a start. I should also note that my nemisis from last summer's blog, The Enemy, has been playing squash with me once again. You may remember that I was the near constant loser in our contests last year. However, times have changed and I've beaten her in both of our last two outings.

I will endeavour to post more regularly, even if it means discussing my failures rather than my successes in the journey from Fluff to Buff (2). I suppose that there's a fair amount of entertainment value in guessing the make-up of ball park hot dogs (92% pig anus, 3% gelatin, 3% unknown meat products, 2% unknown) and the like.

Enjoy your long weekend readers!

Rocky 2

Weight: 208.0 lbs
Body Fat: 25%

I'm back gentle readers! My apologies for the disappearance, I only rejoined the wired world today. You'll note that my weight loss has been at a stand-still for the last two weeks or so. I've discovered that moving leaves almost no time for shopping or meal planning. Rest assured that I will be back on track in the next couple of days and will post more comprehensive posts and hopefully some encouraging stats.

Day 10 - Cuts through flesh, bone and cake.

Weight: ???
Body Fat: ???

Don't worry readers, my scale isn't broken, just packed away in a box. This week I am moving. I know that I've been lax in my posting and moving is my excuse. Its incredible how much stuff I've managed to accumulate over the last few years. What's even more incredible is the amount of stuff I need for my new home. I spent 4+ hours and a bunch of money at Ikea. Impressively, I got almost everything I needed for my swank new home. If I were to describe my excitement level on a scale from 1 to 1 000 000, I would put it around 950 000.

The diet, like my credit card, has suffered as a result of the move. Though I've tried to be observant, I am presently staying with friends and though they are very considerate of my diet, some carbs will be eaten and some alcohol will be consumed. I decline to aplogize for these failings. I do want to lose weight and vanquish the evil Russian, Ivan Drago, but I refuse to do so by turning my life into a joyless endeavour. So...the South Beach Diet will have to learn to live with my failings. As will you.

Speaking of Ivan, he hasn't posted in his blog recently. Feel free to mercilessly harass him. Being an ignorant government-sponsored killing machine doesn't absolve him of his duty to post.

Wager Update: It has been decided that a trophy is in order for the wager. I support this fully. If I were designing said trophy, it would probably look something like this photo.

Day 7 - Treading Water

Weight: 207.5
Body Fat: 27%

My indulgences of two nights ago were curbed but did not totally subside last night, as is evidenced by today's weigh-in. However, the spirit of competition has gripped me and I can proudly say that today has seen no cheating, even in the face of temptation. I've decided that dieting is sorta like treading water. Its unnatural at first, and without the proper motivation, there's less of an incentive to do it. For example, nobody treads water in shallow water, but faced with deep water, treading water becomes your best friend. Ivan Drago is my deep water. My desire to crush him like Rocky crushed the original (Did he? I've never seen the movie.) will help to keep me focused.

I note no suggestions, nor any strokes of genius on my part regarding the wager that Drago and I will work towards. I remain open to suggestions.

Day 6 - Yo Adrian!

Weight: 208
Body Fat: 26%

I'll address my weight gain briefly. Last night I ate too much chicken, bad, yes. But these things happen. At least its allowed on the South Beach Diet. Brief, huh?

On to the promised "Big Announcement"...

I'm sure that readers of the original Fluff to Buff enjoyed the drama of the competition it was leading up to. It was the thrill of the chase. The rhythmic give and take. The lead up to a big finale.

Well readers, today is your lucky day. A challenger has emerged. Less because I respect his privacy and more because it pleases me to bestow upon him a moniker, he will be refered to in this blog as Ivan Drago. Fans of the Italian Stallion will recognize the name of Rocky's evil Russian opponent in Rocky IV. For the uninitiated I've attached a picture. You have to imagine him as shorter and chubbier, with longer brown hair and a round face.

Ivan called me and left a message on my phone a few days ago challenging me to a diet-off. I think it gives us a glimpse into his tortured soul. He also mentions his blog address, which is worth reading. You must imagine that it is all being said with a Russian accent and vodka breath.

"I have a suggestion, first of all, don’t record your message while you’re driving your car, it’s way too much background noise. Second of all, you’re going down…ummm, I haven’t decided how I’m gonna spell it yet, but my blog is gonna be called theruhlduel.blogspot.com. Third of all, I will eat Big Macs and cheeseburgers and fries and maybe even drink beer and still put you down. We haven’t decided how the criteria for this challenge is gonna go, but you’re gonna lose, there’s no question you’re gonna lose, cause that’s just the way it is. I challenge you to transcript this message and put it out for all to see it, but, you’re going down, that’s all there is to it. That is it."

That wasn't it.

"I just ate 2 hot dogs on one bun with ketchup and bacon bits and it was awful. And I didn’t drink anything af- anything that consisted of beer after I talked to you. I drank vodka sodas. I’m serious. I’m going for a run right now."

After he sobered up, Ivan and I spoke and agreed upon some rules for our challenge. The rules of our challenge are simple: whoever reaches their target weight first wins. Presently, Ivan weighs in at 199.7 pounds, his target weight is 180 pounds. I weigh 208 pounds and my target is 184 pounds. If I lose 24 pounds before Ivan Drago loses 20, I win. If Ivan loses his 20 pounds first, he wins. In spite of his defective commie moral compass, Ivan and I agreed that the weight had to be lost in a sustainable and healthy way. No Nicole Richie action.

The only thing left to do is determine a wager. Neither myself nor Ivan Drago were unable to brainstorm a suitable wager. So, I am appealing to the readers of Fluff to Buff to suggest a suitable wager. The wager could result in the loser awarding a prize to the winner, or in the loser doing something humiliating. Financial consequences are not strictly neccesary. The overriding concern is the entertainment value of the wager. The wager should exalt of the winner or shame the loser, or ideally, do both.

Thanks for bearing with me on this post, it was a long one. I look forward to reading your wager suggestions!

Day 5 - Boring, but informative. Plus Dinosaur!

Weight: 207
Body Fat: 25%

Ok, I'm willing to admit that the body fat stat is next to useless. But I'm still going to keep putting it up, because I bought a fancy scale and dammit I'm going to get my money's worth. So for all you nerds whose teeth are set on edge by imprecision, put in a mouthguard before you read.

Scales may tell me my weight, but what determines it is the food I'm eating. I've been vague in that regard thus far and I thought I'd talk a little bit about a typical eating day on the South Beach Diet. In the morning I have been eating eggs and back bacon (which, as far as I can tell, is just ham), I try to eat a relatively controlled portion, but I eat enough that I'm satisfied. I have been packing my lunch for school each day, so I take a celery stalk with a bit of cheese in it for one snack, a couple of cheese strings for another snack and some kind of salad with lean meat (tuna or chicken thus far) for lunch. For dinner I have a small salad as well as some meat and cooked vegetables. I also generally have some almonds as a snack after dinner. For the most part I feel satisfied with the diet thus far. I do find that I'm hungrier at dinner than I should be, which leads to eating snacks after dinner more than I'd like. I've kept them within the guidelines of the diet, but still, I'd prefer to limit my snacking. The other problem is, of course, variety. This is not so much a function of the diet as it is of the way food is purchased. Cooking for myself, a bunch of asparagus will last for 4 meals or so, which means that the better part of a week is spent eating the same vegetable at dinner (and having funny smelling pee). The other variety problem is my own doing. I feel like I've found meal plans that work and are easy to prepare and I'm disinterested in planning for different ones. Clearly if I intend to be successful I will have to get a little more adventurous in the kitchen. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

As promised today was a little boring, I hope the T-Rex spiced things up for you all. To make up for it, Fluff to Buff readers can expect a dramatic and exciting announcement tomorrow! Stay Tuned!

Day 4 - Produce Aisle or Bust

Weight: 208.0
Body Fat: 27%

In spite of last night's moderate rule breakage, I seem to have come away relatively unscathed and appear to have even dropped half a pound. I should mention that later in the evening I resisted both MacDonald's and any further drinking. Anyone who knows my weaknesses for junk food can recognize that accomplishment.

Today food again posed a challenge. A spontaneous round of golf found me without any snacks. South Beach definitely counsels its dieters against getting too hungry, as this leads to overeating. The round left me badly sunburnt, owing 3 drinks to my opponent and desperately hungry. Although we ate at the clubhouse, which offers a myriad of fried and fatty foods, I think I managed to follow at least the spirit of the diet by having a chef's salad. I will admit being jealous of my lunchmate's fries and sandwich, but my resolve held firm. I've realized that the weekends, when plans are fluid and meals go unplanned, will be the biggest challenge.

Tonight I went to the grocery store to stock up on some essentials for the coming week. To my surprise and that of at least some of my readers, I'm sure, all of my purchases were from the produce aisle. I can safely say that this is the only time I've ever only bought vegetables at the grocery store. I must have looked like a filthy vegan who's too stupid to wear sunscreen.